Life's Too Short To Eat Bad Chocolate

Partner bought boxes of chocolates to give as gifts to the neighbors and my folks. The boxes look fancy, with the sophisticated-sounding name "Haviland." However, also printed on the box in smaller letters is the name Necco. Anyone familiar with Valentine's Day candy is familiar with the name of Necco. That is the company - based in Massachusetts, by the way - which makes all those heart-shaped candies with little sayings printed on them. Now, anyone who has tasted those littles candies - or anyone who has tasted Necco wafers - will know that the company is not really known for its quality. After all, who among us has popped one of those hearts in our mouth and marveled at how wonderful they tasted? I'm willing to bet: no one. The only reason why anyone chooses to buy them is for the novelty of the sayings, not for the flavor of the confectionery.

With that in mind, we opened one of the smaller boxes of chocolates to try. Sure enough...bland. The chocolate does not taste special in any way, and the fillings taste like they're not made with any natural ingredients at all. My advice: avoid the Havilands. They are not worth the cheap price you pay. Better to pay more and get better chocolates, I'd say, especially if they're gifts.

If Necco wants to do itself a favor, they should spring for better ingredients and hire a confectioner who knows what s/he is doing.

Murder on the Bay Bridge

Partner and I went out last night to the Fox and had dinner with a couple of friends. One of them clearly had a cold (or at least showed signs of having a cold), but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Why would he be out if he knew he were contagious? Today, I feel a cold coming on. Damn him!

In the last few days I've been adding the images of cd covers to my iTunes. I used to have them all, but between my iPod dying awhile back and my computer dying more recently, I'd lost most of the images. Now I've got almost all of them done in my computer, but I'm missing a few that I just can't find doing a Google Images search. A couple of them I understand why: they're most likely bootleg editions of cd's that I bought in Japan. However, one is really puzzling to me. I have a compilation cd called "Sixties Girls" from a UK label called Crimson Productions, and for the life of me I just can't seem to find an image of it anywhere. Except for a couple of mentions I've found, it's like it doesn't even exist. This wouldn't be quite so vexing to me except for the fact that my iPod has the image, which means that I obviously found it before. Ugh!

Partner and I spent Thanksgiving week in California. As we usually do, we flew into Sacramento (a lovely, small airport) and rented a car. We spent the first part of the week at his cabin in the foothills of the Sierras. We did this so we could visit his ailing sister in Gridley, which is only about 45 minutes away. Other than that, we spent most of our time watching Firefly on dvd. Thanksgiving day we met up with his sister at their second-cousin's house not too far from the cabin. Even though the cousins live fairly close, they don't get to see Partner's sister very often; in fact, they hadn't seen Partner in 38 years! So, even though they were technically "family" for Partner, it was really as if they were strangers. I've told lots of people this already, but it felt as if we picked a house at random, walked in and told them we were there to celebrate Thanksgiving. All in all, the family was rather nice, and they provided us with good food and wine, so you won't hear any complaints from me. At least, not about that.

As soon as we finished eating, Partner and I drove down to San Francisco. I made Partner drive because he knows the city better, but I forgot that it takes almost 3 hours to get there. I felt bad about him driving all that way, but ultimately I'm glad it wasn't me. When we got to the Bay Bridge, they didn't have enough toll booths open for the number of cars trying to make it into the city. The worst part is, they had a terrible system for the traffic lanes, and by the time we made it through the tolls, I was ready to KILL.

Here's the sitch: some of the booths take cash, and above them is a green light. The booths that were closed had a red light, and the booths that just took the electronic payment had no light at all. We were on the right side of the highway as we approached the tolls, and ahead of us we could see one or two green lights on the far right, three red lights to the left of them, one green next to that, then a whole series of no lights in the middle, then one or two more greens on the far left. We obviously couldn't get to the left from where we were (even though that traffic appeared to be moving), and we didn't have the transponder to pay electronically. Instead of moving all the way to the far right, we somehow ended up in the line for that isolated green between the closed lanes and the speeding lanes for no cash. And that, as it turned out, was the worst lane of all.

What happens on the Bay Bridge is this: the non-cash lines are usually wide open, so people speed up to them and pass through. When there is a cash-only lane next to the non-cash lanes (which was the line we were in), ASSHOLES will speed down the non-cash lanes and then try to merge into the cash-only lane at the last minute. This causes problems for the people in the non-cash lanes because they suddenly have to slow down or stop while waiting for the ASSHOLES to merge. This also causes a problem for the people in the cash-only lane because they've been waiting in line like they should, only to be "cut off" by the ASSHOLES who skipped the line. It is so aggravating that some people who are waiting in line are tempted to leave the line and either drive across speeding traffic to get to the left, or they skip a few cars and merge back into the line they just left. This actually happened a few cars in front of us, except that when the car left our line, it collided with an approaching car that was speeding down the non-cash lane. It wasn't a bad accident, but it clearly showed what happens to people when they're stuck in a bad situation.

What was worse for us that night: because we were in a line that had the non-cash lanes to our left and closed lanes to our right, we had people skipping ahead on both sides and trying to merge into our lane. Partner is a patient man and didn't seem to notice, but I was a complete wreck. There were times when we weren't moving at all because people who came from behind us got in our line ahead of us. Believe me, if I had had a gun that night, there would've been some casualties! It was so bad, that I was thinking that I never wanted to visit San Francisco again; nothing in the city could be worth what we had to put up with that night. (Believe it or not, I can feel my blood pressure rising just thinking about it, and it happened more than a week ago.)

I have to say, the rest of the long weekend in the city was nice, but it may have been all the Capt Morgan's Rum I had to drink to help forget about the bridge. A highlight was seeing my cousin and his fiancée at their new apartment and eating a home-made meal of salmon and rice. Except for the Thanksgiving dinner, that was about the only time we've gotten to eat a home-made meal while traveling. Another highlight was spending Saturday afternoon in Berkeley; yes, we had to brave the bridge again, but this time we only had to deal with blustery winds. And the afternoon activities made it totally worth it. After the winds blew through, San Francisco experienced beautiful, summer-like weather, so we were definitely spoiled the rest of our time there.

Since returning home, I've decided to give up drinking for awhile. The skin on my cheeks is really red, so I'm thinking it might be good to detox for a little bit. I'll have plenty of time to "retox" once we go to New Orleans for Xmas and New Years.

Lately Partner has had to deal with a troubling woman. In describing her to me, he said,"She looks like she got her pussy caught in a toaster." Brilliant!

Screenplay Away!

Clearly it does take me a long time in between posts, so I'm no longer surprised.

Actually, I haven't written in days because I am now earnestly working on a screenplay. I got the idea and started it months ago, but I hit a snag with the plot. Then, of course, was the whole drama with my computer. Luckily, I was able to copy what little I had produced on to my other laptop, so now that I've resolved the problem, I'm able to begin again. I don't have the screenplay format yet, but I'm barreling ahead just so I can get all the words out. Later I'll go back and put in more of the directions and in the proper format.

I'm not going to say what it's about, but I will say that it's a gay horror/comedy, or something like that...

Odds and Ends

I can't believe it's been so long since I last posted. So much going on...why haven't I written any of it down?

Before the rain kicked in a few weeks ago, we finished painting the outside of the house and built a trellis-type screen for the deck. Partner did a beautiful job, it's just too bad that we won't really be able to use the deck for a few months. He and I are similar that way: we eventually get around to doing what we want/need to, it just might take longer than it should. Now we've got a contractor working on a small extension to the house, and when he's finished with that he'll put in the new windows. Again, not the best timing (we should've hired him and got this done earlier in the year when it was warmer), but hopefully everything will be done before we go to CA for Thanksgiving.

Our big travel plans will be for Xmas - New Year's when we go to New Orleans. A few years ago we met a couple of guys who own a B&B down there, so we're staying with them. It should be a blast. Hopefully we'll get to see my family in February when everyone meets up in Orlando during the kids' spring break. It'll be wonderful to see Disney World through their eyes.

Lately I've lost one of my volunteer jobs. I was volunteering on Wednesdays at EarthShare to help out a friend, but that friend got unexpectedly fired. Needless to say I was conflicted: I wanted to be loyal to the friend and stop working, but I also believe in the mission and wanted to continue helping. I opted to stop, primarily because of the house painting and because going downtown was a bit of a pain. Mainly, though, it was because I found out the director wasn't treating me right. My friend took me out to lunch almost every time I was there, and I assumed that he was getting at least partially reimbursed; after all, my work helped the company, not just him. After he got fired I asked him point-blank if the director ever volunteered to help pay for my lunch, but he said no. I know it might sound a bit petty, but really it's a bigger issue: why didn't the director realize that she should make even a small gesture to thank someone who was donating his time and energy (and train fare) to help her out?

I always assumed that people who work for non-profit, charitable organizations must be that special kind of person who is nice, caring, generous and good-hearted. (I used to think that about public-school teachers too, but after having worked as a teacher, I realized that that was wrong.) I guess I shouldn't have been too surprised, then, when I learned that my assumption about non-profits was also wrong. The director of EarthShare, for example, not only never thought to say thank you to me by offering to buy lunch, but more importantly she fired my friend in a very discourteous way. Furthermore, while working at EarthShare, I learned that the local director for the United Way was also an ass. Who knew that the United Way would try to "muscle out" other charities? It sounds like the United Way mafia!

My other volunteer job is for the Feral Cat Coalition. I started by answering the phone one day a week and helping out in the clinic a couple of Fridays each month. I then agreed to help the volunteer coordinator by aiding her in scheduling the vets and techs for the clinics. A couple of weeks ago, she unexpectedly quit. (This actually followed a long-time volunteer who quit, but that was slightly less surprising since she was doing so much, burn-out was inevitable.) When we talked to her about why, she said it had somewhat to do with the other paid staff. Apparently, the director seems to be more concerned about raising money from the beautiful people of Portland than she does about making sure the volunteers (who run the clinics) are happy or respected. Again, I was conflicted because I work in the office and never had any trouble at all from the director, but I also like the volunteer coordinator and don't doubt that her opinion is valid. (I also heard horror stories about last year's charity ball, when the volunteers were treated very badly. Ugly.) And yet again, here is another person working for a non-profit, charitable organization whose behavior towards volunteers is at least questionable. So much for my idea about these people being saints!

With the volunteer coordinator stepping down, I've had to increase the number of vets/techs that I'm supposed to call in order to fill the clinics. I had no idea this job would take so much time! Getting vets and techs to agree to volunteer for the clinics is like - if you excuse the pun - herding cats. Quick example: yesterday morning I got an email from a vet asking if I received her email. I hadn't, so this email was a surprise. (Because this particular email went right to my inbox and even had her name correctly labeled, I assume that nothing went technically wrong with her previous email. I can only assume that I hadn't received it because something went wrong at her end...like maybe she never actually sent it.) Anyway, I replied to her that I hadn't received it. She wrote back last night saying that she could do a clinic on Nov 15th. I wrote back to her confirming that she was scheduled at such-and-such a time on that day. This morning she writes back saying she has a conflict on that day with one of her kid's activities and can't make it.

Huh? Didn't she know about that last night? Now I'm (sort of) sure everything she said was true, but it all seems vaguely suspicious and really just a waste of time.

I know I'm beating a dead horse, but I had really felt that people who volunteered to help an organization did so because they really wanted to help. It's just so unprofessional and discourteous when these same people can't be bothered to return an email or a phone message. I don't want to keep calling and become a pest; I'm not doing the organization or myself a service by doing that. Instead, I'd just like everyone to be courteous and professional. Is that too much to ask?

Red Sox Nation

In sports news: the Red Sox were swept from the play-offs. Good luck to any team trying to beat the dreaded Yanks. Say it with me, "Yankees suck! Yankees suck!" Thanks, I feel a bit better. In football news: the Pats lost. It was not a good weekend to be a Boston sports fan.

While I grew up playing sports - soccer, street hockey, a season of baseball, tennis, ping-pong, and a season of high school football - I was never a huge sports fan. I was never the kind of guy who could name players' stats, and I never had a poster of an athlete on my wall. I enjoy watching sports, but I don't know enough about any particular team, player or coach to support any other team but my "home" teams of New England. So even though I now live on the opposite coast, I still root for the Sox, Pats, Bruins and Celtics.

I care almost nothing for college- or high school-level sports and didn't while I was attending school, with the one exception being the ice hockey team of Boston College. It all started when a friend invited me to a hockey game while in my junior year. Up to that point I had been to several football games but had never attended a single other sports match. That year (1989-90) the BC Eagles were playing extremely well, and we were there amongst a sell-out crowd of boisterous (and probably drunk) co-eds all cheering on their team to victory. It was a great game, and it opened my eyes to how much fun I'd been missing by not attending those games. I don't think I made it to many more games that season, but I was there at every home game - and quite a few away games - during my senior year.

I was usually in attendance with my younger cousin Ray and his friend Jay. Jay was actually a year older than me and was originally friends with my older cousin, but Ray "inherited" him through their mutual love for sports. And, as it turned out, their mutual love for yelling highly-emotional and - at times - highly-inappropriate things at the games. I admit that my blood gets pumping when I watch sports, but the most I recall yelling was an extremely loud, "You got nothin!" at the opposing team. Ray, but Jay in particular, would yell things that embarrassed and sometimes even shocked me. The one example I can think of is when a player got hurt and was lying on the ice, Jay would yell, "Drag the body off the ice!" It was as if Jay had no sense of decorum, and nothing mattered but cheering the team on to a win...at any cost. In fact, if we called him on it, he would act as if we were at fault for being pussies. The other team was the ENEMY, and it was okay to wish - loudly - that they get hurt or worse. It was only a game? Not in Jay's book: it was life or death, and you were either with him or against him.

I bring this up, not because Jay was the exception, but because Jay's behavior foreshadowed what now seems to be the norm for life in America. We live in a country with two sides - the Republicans and the Democrats - and life is just one big sporting event. You are either on our side, or you're the ENEMY.

What if we have a problem that affects everyone like the environment or health care? Doesn't matter. If you're on the other side, I don't care what you have to say. In fact, I don't want you to even have the right to say it; I just want you to shut up. Anything you have to say will simply be wrong and probably hurtful to my side. "The Republicans suck! The Republicans suck!"

Politics has become sport, with the only losers being us, the public.

The house has officially been painted - or at least, the first coat. Partner had a plan to spackle the shingles which had been scraped to bare wood, but that didn't happen before the nice weather ended. If we get a couple of nice days in a row, he might still do it, but I'm betting that we're going to leave it the way it is through the winter. The colors look nice, and if you squint, it looks fine.

Painting the Dollhouse

Partner and I are finally getting home improvements started. This past week we officially hired a contractor who will replace all the windows and do a small addition on the back of the house. He will also put in some French doors so we can more easily get to the deck. This last improvement is part of Partner's master plan to make the deck into a nice place where we can host guests and not be embarrassed.

Most importantly, we have also started painting the outside of the house. Up till this week it's been a dingy yellow with peeling paint. Now it's a latte color (tan) with a soft, grayish-green trim around the windows and a dark brown/purple accent. (The actual name of the accent color is black bean, and it resembles that quite well; in the can it looks like a very dark purple - exactly like the liquid in a can of black beans. Once it dries, however, it's hard to tell if it's purple or brown.) Today I did the front door all in the accent color, so it really draws the eye - which is good considering the fact that the house looks like it has leprosy. Which is to say that, although Partner did an admirable job power-washing the walls and trying to remove the peeling paint, many of the shingles still have paint that is half hanging off. Where the peelings were taken off, those shingles still look kinda shabby under the one coat of tan. Our goal is to put primer on those shingles that are half-peeled then cover them with another coat of the tan. A couple of weeks ago I would've said that was a pipe dream, but considering all the hard work we've been doing lately, I'd say it's now a possibility. (Forgot to mention: we weren't able to do the best scraping job on the shingles because that dingy yellow paint is lead-based, and we don't want to release all that lead dust into the air. Partner has been doing a great job collecting all the shavings that have come off so far.) Tomorrow and Monday are supposed to be fairly nice days, so more painting for us!

I had a "two worlds collide" kind of moment this past week at EarthShare, the company I volunteer for. One of the gals who work in the office asked me - apropos of nothing - if I were a big Wonder Woman fan because there was going to be some kind of event happening at the Excalibur comic book store. I said, "No, but I bet I know the guy who's putting it on." Sure enough, a family acquaintance (not close enough to be called a "friend," really) Andy Mangels is running the show. Isn't it weird when two different parts of your life intersect like that? And by the way, who knew there were that many WW fans in Portland? And the most important question of all: why did Joss Whedon stop writing the script for the movie?

Speaking of Joss, we were at a friend's place the other night, and he showed us the unaired series finale of Dollhouse which came in the blue-ray dvd set. It was so good, I almost wish the series had ended just so more people could've gotten to see that episode. It was a great reminder at just how wonderful TV can be.

Post Script Redux

The on-going quest to fix the hard drive comes to a conclusion...sort of.

I brought the unit with me out to the bar on Friday evening. As I had hoped, I ran into Walt before he had a chance to leave. He looked at the hard drive for about 30 seconds and realized that the connector which had been giving everyone so much trouble was actually just an adapter attachment that came off! Underneath that was simply a standard 42-pin connector which would work with the unit at Radio Shack. Progress could now be made.

Saturday I went to Radio Shack, went to the wall where the adapter was, and...it wasn't there. I started to have heart palpitations when I realized that - in just a couple of days - the store had been thoroughly rearranged. A salesman came over to assist, but I tried to drop several hints that I wanted to be helped by the same guy who helped me twice before. When this sales guy couldn't find what I was looking for, he finally called over the other one. He grabbed it, made sure it was what I needed, then rang it up and sent me on my way.

Sunday afternoon I went to Walt's. I brought the laptop hard drive in its new case assembly, and I brought an external hard drive which I had bought at Fry's within the last year. The idea was simply to transfer everything from the laptop hard drive to one of Walt's computers, then transfer the data out to my external hard drive. Simple, unless the laptop hard drive was in some way corrupted or otherwise broken.

Since I can't (and don't want to) remember everything that happened next, I'll condense the action. We proceeded to plug in the laptop and external hard drives to each of Walt's three computers, only to wait for long stretches of time with nothing happening - or worse, with things happening that we couldn't explain. Finally, by process of elimination, we came to the conclusion that the external hard drive was in some way corrupted, and this was causing most/all our problems. (I think I only backed up iTunes songs on the external hard drive, so I have no idea why it should have a problem.) After hours of being there, I ended up taking my laptop hard drive home and plugging it in to my other laptop, at which point it commenced to work. If I had only known which unit to pull out of the laptop, and that the hard drive itself had a removable adapter, and that the part I needed was at Radio Shack, and that all I had to do was plug it into my other computer, I would've saved myself lots of time, energy and gas. Ugh.

At this point, I haven't been able to get everything from my old computer. But assuming that it might work without problems, I now have a 70gig hard drive attached to my laptop. I'm just hoping it'll be worth all the trouble...

Post Script

I brought the hard drive to Radio Shack. The same guy that helped me the other night was there again, so he kinda remembered what I needed. When he looked at the hard drive, he expressed doubt. The adapter that I needed was a closed unit; he wouldn't know it was the right one unless we opened it up. To his credit, he did without my asking. Sure enough, his doubts were justified: the adapters they carried would not work for the older hard drive that I had. Strangely, he recommended that I try Office Depot (really?) because they sell computers and might carry something like that.

Since Partner was sleeping when I left the house, I decided not to return home but instead drove to Office Depot. When I went in, the woman at the counter listened to the problem and told me that they don't carry anything like that. Really, just as I suspected.

I drove to the other side of Jantzen Beach and went to Best Buy. Once again I got good service from a helpful salesperson, but he seemed stumped by my hard drive. Finally, he showed me a closed unit which he said should fit what I needed. Unlike the guy at Radio Shack, this one would not open the unit, even though I asked. I ended up buying the unit, then I sat in my car and opened it up. Of course it didn't fit. I swear this hard drive will be the death of me! I put the unit back together and returned it to the store.

By the way, Walt's email that I so carefully tried to transcribe...doesn't work. I have to call him after all.

Check Yourself, But Don't Check Disk

My parents have an older computer (somewhere between 5-10 years, though I suspect it's closer to the latter), and lately it's been quite slow. When I was visiting their house in July, I decided to try and speed it up as much as I'm able. Now, I am in no way a technical person, but I felt that I should at least try because the real computer person - my brother-in-law - was always busy with the kids, or work, or whatever. I went online, did a search for the problem, and saw that I could do a couple of things to clean and free up space on the hard drive. I defragged the hard drive and ran check disk (disk check?) as the on-line advisor directed. Afterward, the computer seemed about the same; if not a little better, it was certainly no worse.

Back in Portland, I have a Toshiba laptop that Partner gave me. It too is older, but this one is closer to five years old. In the last number of months, it too has been acting slow and maybe as if it were infected with a virus, though the scans never detect any. When I returned home in August, I decided that I should use my new knowledge of cleaning the hard drive on this computer in hopes that it would solve the problem. Again, I defragged and ran check disk.

At some point after that, I went to turn on the computer, and the screen said that the hard drive was in imminent danger of failing. What?! My stomach dropped. This was one of those moments in every non-technical-person's life that you fear most. How could I back up the hard drive if it wouldn't even turn on? What happened (virus?) and how could I fix it?

Doing the only sensible thing, I unplugged the computer and told Partner. He didn't know what to do either (he's an Apple guy), so he suggested I call his friend and get his help. Partner ended up emailing him, but the friend - being busy and perhaps not fully aware of the extent of the problem - never committed to coming over. And of course, my being the great procrastinator that I am, took my time in confronting the problem head-on. I did email a local "computer guy" and told him the situation, but he said that it might take $200 or more for him to solve the problem. Yikes.

Finally, I called an acquaintance, Walt, who I knew was a musical techie (builds speakers, does keyboarding, etc) and asked him if he could help. He told me to remove the hard drive and put it in the fridge, because some people believe that the cold will help preserve the data. He then said that I'd need to attach the hard drive to a PC and extract the data. To do that, I'd need to buy an adapter, preferably one that ends in a USB plug, and I could possibly get it at Fry's (he saw it on their website). Walt was cagey about inviting me to use his PC for all this, but I basically invited myself over - contingent on my removing the hard drive and buying the adapter. I got his email address so I wouldn't again have to go through that uncomfortable conversation (he can't be cagey through email) but I was having a hard time hearing him. He kept saying the full address quickly, while I kept spelling it out. Finally satisfied that I was being annoying, I hung up the phone, went to the laptop, quickly extracted the hard drive unit, put it in a plastic bag and stuck it in the fridge.

Since it was Sunday and I was alone (having just driven Partner to the airport for his 3-day trip to Denver), I decided to take a drive down to Fry's and get the adapter. I thought about calling first to avoid a 40-minute wild goose chase, but why bother? It was on their website, and besides, Fry's is a big store which most likely would carry such an item. I packed the hard drive into a cooler bag and drove south.

In the store, I went over to the section I needed and scanned all the different wires and adapters. I didn't see what I thought I was looking for, so when the salesperson finished with the previous customer, I explained my problem and asked for his help. He took one look at the drive and said that they don't carry the adapter I needed. To be on the safe side, he asked another "associate" standing nearby, but he confirmed that they didn't have it. Ugh! Too stunned to press the issue, I walked away. So as to make the trip not a complete waste of time, I ended up buying three dvd's. Nothing assuages bad feelings like a little dvd shopping!

Back in Portland, I called the local Radio Shack and explained my problem. Doesn't it just figure that the store a mile and a half from my house had what I needed! Or rather, they had two different things, so I'd need to bring in the hard drive for them to see which one was right. Even though I had done my walking for the day, and even though I was getting hungry, I decided to walk over there in the evening and get the adapter. When I got there, both associates were helping other customers, so I hovered between waiting in line and walking around the small store looking for what I needed. (As an aside, I hate when sales people don't take into account who was next. With only three people in the store, you'd think they'd notice that I was waiting. One of the sales guys was helping his customer in another part of the store, when a fourth customer walked in. He stood by the counter and saw me waiting, so he went and stood by the sales guy. When he was done with his customer, he turned and asked the new customer what he wanted. I wanted to scream, "Hey, I was next!" That customer was an asshole, and the salesman was incompetent for not telling the guy he had to wait.)

When it was finally my turn (at least seven minutes after I got there), I told the guy my problem, he took a look at the hard drive and said, "That's not your hard drive, that's the dvd drive." Doh! I admit that I'm not technical, but really, even I knew that that's where the cd's went in. I don't know what I was thinking. At that point, being hungry, tired and a little pissed off, I just had to laugh. What else can you do? As I walked home it occurred to me: why hadn't the two guys at Fry's (Fry guys) thought of that?

Luckily, I ran into a friend about halfway home, and he gave me a ride the rest of the way. Later, I looked at the bottom of the laptop, decided which two screws to remove, and took out the hard drive (at least I think it's the hard drive). I don't know how much good it'll do, but I put it in the fridge. Tonight I'll head over to Radio Shack and see if it's the right drive and if they have the right adapter.

Here's the kicker: while I was on the phone with Walt, apropos of nothing he said, "By the way, never run Check Disk. It'll totally fuck up your computer. That's what happened to mine." Ooh...fuck. Now I know what probably happened to my computer, and I can only guess that I may also have caused my parents' computer to shut down.

Partner's advice: don't tell them.

Portion Control

Yesterday evening a friend had a small group of us over to his house for pinball, pizza and a movie. We chose Far From Heaven which was good in its way but was a complete downer as far as "party videos" are concerned. I brought a bottle of champagne, and Partner picked up a sampler cheesecake from the store. We all ended up drinking Capt & Cokes, so Rob kept the champagne for later. At the end of the evening, he made us take home the leftover cheesecake since no one else wanted to.

Fast forward to this evening's dinner. I made my usual (low sodium) vegetable soup with added chicken, garlic, onion, spinach, ramen noodles and hot sauce. It's cheap, easy and relatively healthy. While Partner was eating his bowl, he informed me that there was more in the pan for me to finish. I asked him if he got enough - or maybe if he didn't like it - and he said it was "portion control." The implication, of course, is that he's trying to get healthy and possibly lose weight by limiting the size of his portions. Great, right?

Later we were watching Rescue Me season one on dvd, and Partner helped himself to a bowl of ice cream with chocolate sauce. Hmm. I got up to make myself a cup of decaf coffee, and when I looked in the fridge for the soy milk, I saw the platter of cheesecake. Deciding to get myself half a slice, I put the platter on the counter and...that's when I stepped on something. I bent over and grabbed the offending crumb, which was a crumbly bit (nut? chocolate chip?) from the cheesecake. But, I hadn't even opened the platter yet. It was then that I realized that a whole piece of cheesecake was missing. Of course I realized what had happened, but I found it too funny to get angry about. Instead, I jokingly asked Partner about it.

"Guess what I just stepped on....A piece of cheesecake. How do you think that got on the floor?....Oh, so you had a piece after you got home from work?....Didn't you have dessert after dinner?....What was it you told me about not finishing a bowl of vegetable soup?"

That's right. In Partner's mind, he was being healthy by limiting his portion of vegetable soup and fresh spinach. On the other hand, he felt fine about eating a whole slice of cheesecake, taking a two-hour nap, and then eating ice cream with chocolate sauce for dessert.

Needless to say, I'll be using this for a long time. This saying has legs!

Getting Straightened Out

Back home for just over two weeks, and my cold is almost gone. I've been saying that for four days, however, so who knows how long it's going to linger. Whenever I get a cold or suffer from allergies, I always feel like I'm almost 100% better, and then I get worse. I can't tell if it's just the lingering effects of the previous cold, or if - because I've been touching my nose and face - I've picked up more germs and it's a new cold. Right now, I could be in either state. Ugh.

I just ordered a guidebook for Japan. When it arrives, I think I'll be able to retrace our steps during the trip, and hopefully I'll then be able to remember all the (crazy) things that happened.

Partner threw a party for my 40th birthday Friday night at the Fox & Hounds (though the party was almost a month after I turned 40 - that happened while I was in Japan). He decided it'd be fun to have a "pirate" theme, so he got decorations and a treasure chest of necklaces for everyone to share. He also got two large platters of sushi from an Asian restaurant in Vancouver. It was quite an event, and almost everyone who was invited showed up. Of course, it helped that the party was held at the same place as the Bears' usual happy hour, so even more friends/acquaintances just happened to be there. I had quite a few Capt & cokes, so you know I had a great night. I don't like to be the center of attention, but because the event was fairly diffused (people spread around the restaurant), it felt okay.

Doug had to fly to SF to visit his sister in the hospital last Saturday. She has ALS and has been dealing with it for a couple of years. Lately she's started to go downhill a bit more, so it was a big deal when she had to go in for a procedure. Doug's at her house now, and she seems to be improving, so he will fly back here tonight.

After I drove him to the airport on Saturday, I went by myself to the annual pool party hosted by Greg and Dave. They have a beautiful home with a pool and hot tub, and they always provide the most wonderful food. The party is clothing optional and most guys are naked, which automatically means it's a great event! Later that evening I fooled around with one of the hosts, and later on my way out, his partner walked me to the door and kissed me. Both occurrences were a surprise to me, especially because this was my fourth time attending the party, and this had never happened. I met these guys the year I moved to Portland at a Thanksgiving party, and it seemed to me that I pissed off Greg when Dave and I flirted quite heavily (the irony, of course, is that I'm actually more attracted to Greg). I thought that they were both cold to me over the last few years, despite the fact that Partner and I got invited to their parties. Now, I'm just confused. Hopefully we won't have to wait til next August before I can get "straightened" out.

Doug flies in tonight. We have no plans for the weekend, so it should be relaxing and fun...

Think Fast

Linguistic, Logical-Mathematical, Bodily, Spatial, Musical, Interpersonal and Intrapersonal.

In case you don't recognize the list, these are the theorized seven intelligences. I am a big fan of the idea that there are multiple intelligences. Without going too much into the details right now (I have errands to do), I'd like to offer one more: Improvisational.

I'm a firm believer that speaking-on-your-feet is not just a learned skill but a natural ability that some people are born with. These are the same people who wait until the last minute to do anything (they seemingly thrive under the pressure) because it's harder for them to think about something without a time limit. They think better when they're doing it fast probably because they are good at it and have had success doing it that way.

I've thought about this for a long time (I think I have a higher-than-average Improvisational intelligence) but I thought it about again the other day when Portland radio was talking about the 48-hour film fest. This is the competition where teams are given a genre and a line of dialogue, and they have 48 hours to make a short film. It sounds like a fun activity, especially for those of us who think best when we're thinking fast.

Dog Days of Being Sick as a Dog

Where did the expression "sick as a dog" come from? When dogs get sick, do they get very sick? I wonder if people from other countries use an animal to describe how sick they are and, if so, which animal is it? Do American dogs get very sick, but in Japan it's the tenuki that get sick? Someday I might look that up...

ANYWAY, I returned from my trip last Saturday morning. Despite my not sleeping on the plane*, I was determined to go through the whole day without a nap and go to bed at my usual time. In that way, I could get my body on to west coast time and minimize the jet lag (in the past I've always done this and never experienced much jet lag at all). In spite of my best efforts, I did take a short nap on Saturday afternoon and then managed to fall asleep quite easily at my usual time that night.

When I woke up on Sunday morning, I was congested with a head cold (it felt like a cold, not allergies). I don't remember Sunday being particularly bad, but that night at 1:05 am I was woken up by an extremely realistic slap to my face. I remember in my dream at that moment I was talking to two people, and a third person moved behind me, presumably to sit down (I was sitting on a train or plane, and there was very little space between the seats). Neither of the two people I was talking to hit me, and I have no recollection of the third wanting to slap me, nor do I know how they could have gotten their hand between the seats (I know dreams aren't that logical, but still...). So, that means I felt like I was slapped by a ghost that night. After thinking about that, combined with my time shifting, I was not able to get to sleep the rest of the night.

Monday I felt horrible with a runny nose and bad cough. I called in sick for my volunteer job the next day and basically stayed in the house. That night I was still not getting a full night's sleep (and my dreams still involved Japan in some way, as they had every night and did up until last night), but by Tuesday afternoon I felt like I was getting better. Wednesday I woke up as bad as before, so I had to call in for my other volunteer job. Same thing for Thursday and Friday. Saturday morning I was feeling better and even went to the pool party we were invited to, although I played it smart and never went swimming. Yesterday I thought that my cold was making its 'last gasp,' that I was hacking up the last of the phlegm. Today, however, I'm in the same boat. I feel generally ok except that I've still got phlegm in my nose and throat that is making me cough and go through an inordinate amount of tissues. Hopefully by tomorrow I will be 100% and able to enjoy these dog days of summer...

*I was on a full flight from Tokyo to Portland. After I sat down, the old Asian woman in front of me put her seat back almost as far as it would go - leaving me about six inches from my nose to her head rest. Her seat was like that for most of the trip. (And of course, I was too much of a pussy to ask her to move. Not sure why except that I hated the idea of asking her and then her not doing it. Then what would I do?) On top of that, my reading light didn't work, so as soon as the sun was down and the other lights around me went out, I was left awake but unable to read or do any of the crosswords in the large book that I had carried with me around Japan. Finally, my iPod was dead, so I couldn't listen to my music. The only saving grace was that they played three different movies (on my trip out to Tokyo they only played one movie but showed it twice - I didn't watch it either time), and they gave away free wine. I think I ended up with four or five small bottles. Not enough to put me to sleep, but still a nice little buzz.

Advice for Traveling in Japan

I'll write more about my recent trip to Japan soon. In the meantime, I thought I'd write down some advice before I forgot it. This will help me the next time I go, because I'm sure by then I will have forgotten my experience and repeated the same mistakes.

In no particular order:

1) No need for a giant backpack. I brought a large backpack, a smaller (or "regular-sized") backpack and an over-the-shoulder insulated bag. Most of the time I kept the smaller backpack inside the larger one and just carried the insulated bag with me for a drink, a towel, the guidebook, suntan lotion and my passport. What I discovered is that, since the luggage really only went from the train to the hotel (or inn), a smaller bag with wheels would've been just fine. In fact, I think having the large backpack made me think I could bring more things, but ultimately they were unnecessary. Pack light, and plan on staying somewhere with laundry (or bring thin clothes which will dry overnight in your hotel room).

2) Plan ahead - but don't over-plan. My personal, romantic notion about traveling is that you can just hop on a plane/train, go somewhere, and then make all the necessary arrangements after you arrive. I also prefer the idea that "being on vacation" means that you should relax and not be stressed out about seeing every touristy site that a particular destination offers. However, this recent trip to Japan has taught me that it is good to have a general plan in mind before you go, even if it is for just one touristy thing a day. Also, it would've saved a lot of time if we had planned our route in advance and contacted those cities for maps, bus schedules and places to stay ahead of time.

3) Buy a JR Rail Pass. Because I hadn't planned my trip out in advance, I had a skewed notion of when and where I'd be traveling. I was going to be in country for 15 days, but I thought I wouldn't be traveling the whole time, so I bought a JR rail pass for 7 days instead of 14. Big mistake. Be sure to buy a rail pass for the entire time you are there, because you will be riding JR trains and busses a lot, and paying for each trip can get very expensive. Also, with a rail pass you can always choose to get a reserved seat and not have to stand in line on the platform and rush on to the train for an unreserved seat.

4) Bring enough money. Yes, you can use a Visa card for bigger purchases like tickets and hotels, but if you bring cash then you won't have to worry about running out. Without train fares, I'd say budgeting 6000 yen a day would be plenty. Having said that, there are ways to live/travel cheaply, and post office ATM's will allow you to use your bank card from back home to take out money.

5) Learn to play "Match the Kanji." If you don't know, the Japanese use four writing systems: Kanji (Chinese characters), Hiragana, Katakana and Roman letters (English). The middle two are simplified versions of the Kanji, where each character represents a letter or syllable; the Katakana alphabet is used for words that have been borrowed from foreign languages. (The word "ramen" is actually borrowed from the Chinese, so when you see it written outside of ramen shops, the characters are in Katakana.) Anyway, my point is that, if you can't read Kanji (or the other alphabets), then it helps to be able to memorize the way a character looks and then match it to something else. For example, many restaurants will have plastic displays of their food in the window with the name of that dish written in Kanji. Simply find a dish that looks good, memorize the Kanji, and match that word to the Japanese menu inside. When you find it, you can just point to the item in the menu and say please. Another example: many town maps are written only in Japanese. Find the Kanji of the place you want to go and memorize how it looks. Then when you're walking around town, you can look at street signs, match the Kanji and get to where you want to go.

6) Bring a hand towel. Fans of The Hitch-hiker's Guide to the Galaxy will find this piece of advice funny, but you should always carry a small towel with you. Most public toilets in Japan do not have any way to dry your hands, so a towel is important if you don't want to dry your hands on your clothes. Also, Japan is a very humid country, so if you travel any time from spring to fall, you might want a small towel to wipe away the sweat.

7) Stay at a business hotel. You should go to Japan and plan on staying at least a few nights in a ryokan (Japanese inn) if you can't arrange a home-stay. You'll most likely have a great experience, and you'll get to see more of what Japan is really like. That said, a cheap business hotel like the Tokyu Inn is a great deal and very practical. We stayed at a few of them during our travels, and each one was of predictably good quality. The Tokyu Inns usually have refrigerators in the room, free internet and laundry machines in the lobby, not to mention breakfast included with the cost. Any time you're not staying at a ryokan, temple, or with a family, I'd recommend the Tokyu Inn.

8) Get gay advice before you go. OK, that sounds strange, but what I meant is that you should get all the info you need about gay destinations ahead of time. Unless you're bringing a laptop and can use it in your room, computer use is usually public (hotel lobbies), and looking at explicit sites is frowned upon. Also, most guidebooks hardly mention anything at all about gay bars or hotels, so you're not going to get any help from them. I found the website "utopia" to be particularly helpful. I was only able to make it to one gay destination in Osaka while I was there, but it was excellent, and I would never have found it if it weren't for utopia.

9) Don't lose you train tickets. When traveling by train, you have to show your ticket in order to get on the train, and then you have to show your ticket to get off the train. (In the case of a local ticket, you put the ticket in at one end of the machine, and it pops out the other. At the end of your trip, put the ticket in the machine and it stays in there.) This is true even when you are transferring from one train line to another. I wasted frantic minutes trying to figure out what the station master was asking for before I figured out that I had to show him my ticket from an earlier trip in addition to the ticket I had to show him to get on the next train.

10) It's not better or worse, it's just different. Much of Japanese culture seems so familiar to western eyes, yet most of it is very different. In fact, it's sometimes tempting to think of aspects of Japanese culture as being "backward" or impractical or silly. Please don't make that mistake. If you're in Japan and feeling contempt for the people or culture, it's time for you to go. Obviously this is good advice for traveling anywhere, but it seems that foreigners in Japan are particularly prone to this. Yes, they wear t-shirts with bad English written on them; that doesn't mean they are stupid. The person I traveled with had lived in Japan for five years, and every snide comment he made about the Japanese seemed contemptuous. I don't know if he even recognized what he was doing, but it was sure annoying to me.

11) Cover up the tattoos. Despite its history as an art form, tattooing in Japan is now frowned upon and mostly considered a sign of trouble (the Japanese gangsters, the yakuza, are notorious for the tattoos that cover their backs). If you plan on going to onsen (hot springs) or sento (public baths), then bring some bandages that will cover your tattoos. Generally I had no trouble at any of the onsen we visited, but at two of the sento there were clear rules that no tattoos of any size were allowed. I got away with it at Spa World (in Sendai, I believe) and was only asked to leave after I had finished. But at a wonderful public bath in Aomori, I didn't see the sign banning tattoos, and I was asked to leave before I was ready. Two bandages would've solved that problem.

12) Know your schedule before going to bed. This goes back to planning ahead, but you should know what you're going to do the next day before going to bed. Most importantly, if your plans involve any kind of public transportation, you should know the bus/train schedule before you go to bed. We generally had an idea of what we were going to do, but we rarely checked the schedule. There were many days when we got up, made our way to the station and discovered that the bus or train we needed had already left, or that the next one would be in an hour. A lot of time would've been saved if we had known our schedule in advance.

13) Get ready for some walking. Unless your vacation involves a tropical country and sitting on a beach for a week, no matter where you go you're probably going to do more walking than you do in your 'normal' life. Plan ahead. Exercise to get your legs more used to the work, and be sure to have at least one pair of shoes with good support. Oh yeah, and bring small band-aids. I followed my own advice and bought new shoes for my trip, I even broke them in. Despite that, I still got painful blisters on three of my toes (my traveling companion also had blisters, but he didn't have new shoes and he was also used to walking quite a bit) and had to buy bandages at a convenience store.

Four Acts 'n' Play

Finishing off the Cape trip: the first show we saw that week was Paula Poundstone at the "intimate" Vixen Club (where I had seen Margaret Cho perform - really, she was just testing out her new act - years ago). Partner and I sat along the wall but in the front corner; it's accurate to say we had front-row seats. Up front I have to reveal two things: one is that I LOVE Paula and think she is amazingly clever; I can't help but marvel at her ability to take in fresh information and turn it into something funny. Two is that Partner and I saw her in Portland a couple of years ago at a bigger venue, and wouldn't you know it but she picked me out of the crowd to ask questions and generally make fun of me. Of course it wasn't random - I had responded rather loudly to something she said, so she heard me and set her improv sights on me.

This time I was determined to just appreciate her act and let her pick on other people. Yeah, right. Literally within minutes I was 'heckling' her act (but in a good way) and she set her sights on me again - to which I loudly replied to Partner, "Oh, Jesus." Luckily I was able to deflect her away from asking too many questions, but periodically throughout the show I would respond to one of her jokes and she would obviously hear (and answer or laugh). I think it helped that, when I wasn't 'adding' to her act, I would be laughing my ass off. I think she appreciated such a great response from an audience during her first show on a Wednesday night. Later, she was in the lobby selling her book, so I bought a copy and got it autographed. In it she wrote, "Hope we work together again real soon." I hope she wasn't being ironic...

The next night, on Partner's suggestion, we saw Jimmy James. Currently he is famous for a popular dance song called "Fashionista." Since I am not up on dance music, I hadn't heard it before hearing it blasting out of the speakers on the street outside of the Post Office Cafe. When he started his act, that was the first song he sang to the backing track. Since I had never seen him before, I didn't know to be surprised at his short height and rather heavy frame. I figured that a female impersonator was usually thinner, but I guess he could get away with it since he was such a talented singer. He did wear makeup, but only a feminine scarf and jacket for drag. After "Fashionista" he proceeded to sing in the styles of Eartha Kitt, Diana Ross, Billie Holliday, Cher, Barbra, Liza and Judy, and many others. Amazing. What was most surprising was when he showed a film clip of when he impersonated Marilyn Monroe. From the video and still photographs, we could see that he was flawless. (It was then that I realized: boy had he let himself go!) Later he did Bette Davis, but he had left the stage while a video and the song "Feliz Navidad" was playing. That song I had heard before, and what was being played sounded exactly like the recording, so I was confused as to what was happening. Had he originally recorded that Bette Davis parody? Were they just playing that song, or was he backstage singing it to the backing track? Why wasn't he on the stage? The video was fun, but that was a disappointing part of the show.

The next night we got tickets for Varla Jean and the Mushroom Heads. As the name implies, the entire act was built around a kids' show theme but with double entendres and sexual innuendo. As with Paula, I LOVE Varla Jean, so anything she does is incredible to me. (And also like the Paula show, we sat against the wall down in front.) The skits/dialogue with her two assistants was a bit hokey at times, but the songs were amazing, and the execution of kids' show/sexual innuendo was spot-on. I had seen her a couple of times in the past, and this show was probably my favorite so far. As we were leaving after the show, I bought a t-shirt and wanted to chat with her, but she was busy taking a picture with Leslie Jordan...

...who we saw the following night. Unfortunately we could only get SRO tickets, so we had to stand at the back. Impressions: he is a tiny man; he is funnier than I expected - and also raunchier; he did a great job balancing humor and pathos (who knew he had been to jail?); and he likes butch men, which surprised me because he is so flaming. Since I only knew him from Will & Grace and Sordid Lives, I didn't know he had worked with and knew so many celebrities. He likes to dish, so watching his act is like watching Kathy Griffin on speed...if she were slightly more feminine.

Since I had never seen so many acts at one time, I thoroughly enjoyed our week in Ptown. What's amazing is that there were still a lot more good shows to see. Ptown may be expensive during the summer, but you don't lack for something to do.

I'm Baaack...

...but tired and not up for a post. Just wanted to get my head back into the idea of writing this. I'll try to get my thoughts together about the trip and try again tomorrow.

Vacations, Vacations

So much has happened in the last few weeks, I don't know where to start. Partner and I just got back from a trip back East to Ptown. Actually, I was on the Cape for a few days before he arrived; I was driving up to Kingston to help paint the exterior of my sister's house. I lost two days because of rain, but I used the second of those to paint a bathroom that she'd wanted done for a long time. Because I have no fear of being on ladders, she really wanted me to paint the highest peaks, while my dad (and later Partner) agreed to paint the lower portions. Eventually, we hope, she and her husband will finish what we couldn't get done.

Partner came in on Friday, spent a night on the Cape with my folks, then he and I drove out to Ptown for Bear Week. We stayed at Tucker Inn on Center St which turned out to be a completely wonderful surprise. That evening they served their guests free appetisers and drinks for a "happy hour" from 4 - 7, something they do every week. We met some nice guys there as well; in fact, everyone who stayed there seemed to instantly become friendly. One of the guys was originally from Portland, so Partner was surprised to see him. It turned out to be a nice weekend.

Monday we drove back to my folks' and my family had a small party for me that night. The next day we drove up to my sister's and painted, then that afternoon Karl, his family, my cousin Ray, his wife, and my cousin Trish and her family came for a nice dinner. All the kids got to run around outside while the adults could have a mini Nantucket-reunion. My brother-in-law was not there (and thus wasn't helping with the painting) because he's on St. Marten's for the month of July working in a piano bar. (My sister and her kids left last Friday to visit him for a couple of weeks - I'd be jealous except tomorrow I'm on my way to Japan!)

The next day Partner and I drove back out to Ptown and stayed for the rest of the week. The Bear run wasn't that great (from our experience, it never is), but during that week we got to see shows by Paula Poundstone, Jimmy James, Varla Jean Merman and Leslie Jordan. All were excellent, but I thought Jimmy had the weaker of the shows. Yes he is an AMAZING singer, but I enjoyed laughing at the other shows more than just listening to his act. (More on the others later...)

We spent Sunday night with the folks and had dinner at a local restaurant. Monday (yesterday) we flew home. It's good to be back. However, tomorrow I fly out to Japan and meet my friend James. We're staying a couple nights in Osaka, then we'll be traveling north eventually to Hokkaido. Should be great, but I most certainly will not get a chance to update this until I return in August...when I'll be 40! No...

Captain, My Captain

It occurred to me that I have a picture of Captain Morgan with the caption "My Captain" (the name of the blog is FirstMate - in case you didn't notice), but I never explained where that came from. I am not THAT much of a lush, despite how it appears.

It all starts with my friend Karl and his mother's time-share on Nantucket. For most of his youth, Karl spent one week in early August on Nantucket with his mom and brother. During high school, Karl invited me and a couple of our best friends to join him that week. It was wonderful. Karl's mom would sleep in the bedroom on the third floor, while the rest of us slept in the bunks on the bottom floor (the middle floor was the kitchen and living room, with one pull-out sofa bed).

The following few years we continued to join him and his mom each summer, culminating in a fateful week when we were all in college. A few of us brought female/girl friends for the week, making the total number of young adults officially too high for that house. Early in the week we were drinking and generally being too loud until finally Karl's mom came downstairs, yelled at us, and told us that we all had to leave the next day. Ouch. (I won't go into the story of how Karl "stole" Pete's friend Jen, and how Pete left on his own without telling anybody.) Without the timeshare, we were effectively banned from the island.

That is, until the following year (or maybe the year after that) when someone got the bright idea of renting a house on the same part of the island as the time-share during that same week. Karl could stay at his mom's (and even host a friend) while the rest of us could have as much fun as we wanted in our own house. Each year someone would arrange to rent a house (usually Pete or my cousin), and each summer we'd have a blast* for that one week.

At some point early on, someone "discovered" Capt. Morgan rum and brought it with them to the island. Soon that became our drink of choice, and the group of us managed to drink more than our fair share. In fact, there exists a picture of some of us standing in front of a fireplace in our house. Along the mantle is lined up most of the booze we consumed that week: two big wine bottles bookended around nine large Capt. Morgan rum bottles - and that wasn't counting the case of Red Stripe beer! Yes, we had our fun.

Instead of relying on whatever glassware might be available in the house, we brought our own plastic cups; rather than go through a ton of them, we decided to label the cups and reuse them. Since we were on an island, and since the Capt. was our drink of choice, someone got the idea of labeling his cup with a nautically-themed nickname. We had a Skipper, a Navigator, a Pirate, a Cap'n (I didn't like that one - I felt there should be only one Captain, no matter how you abbreviated it) and a few others that I can't fully recall. I, of course, was the First Mate. In addition to the nicknames, we also started developing a lingo that went along with the drinking. When we started to drink (or when we first started to feel the drink), we said we had "set sail" with the Capt. If you got a bit sick, we might say that you were experiencing rough waters. If you sailed on another ship (drank something else) and got sick, we might say that the Capt. forced you to walk the plank or that you got keel-hauled. And on and on.

Up until recently, I was still consuming my fair share of Capt's rum. Unfortunately my acupuncturist and I decided that I should try giving up alcohol for awhile and see how that affects me. So far, all I can say is that I want back on the ship! I wasn't made to be a land-lubber...

* As always, I can say that I was never truly happy the whole time I was there. One problem was that my friends were into smoking cigars at night, so everyone would gather on the deck and chat. I didn't like sitting in the cold, nor did I like breathing in the cigar smoke, so I often sat in the house alone. Another problem was that my friends liked to play golf, so they would get up early, play a round, then come back in the late morning. This wasn't so bad for me since I enjoyed sleeping late, but it still made me feel a little apart. Finally, for most/all of those years, my friends didn't know I was gay (or bisexual, since I often had girlfriends during those years), so I felt like I was living a lie with them. They were quickly becoming yuppies, while I felt I couldn't relate.

There's Always a Bigger Fish

Partner and I did work on the yard - and I did trim those hellacious laurels - but we did it all during the weekend.  Finished with a dump run on Sunday, so we can say the task was complete.  Partner also built a platform for three flower pots in the front yard, and today I put down bricks along our walkway.  Things are starting to come together.

At least, in the yard.   Partner and I have been going through a bit of a rough patch lately, although we seem to be coming out of it.  There's no actual arguing or anything, just a fairly cold, forced atmosphere.  It probably all started with me a week ago, when I went through one of my "jags" after playing with his nipples and getting rejected.  I was cold with him, then when I was over it he was cold with me.  The weekend helped warm things up, and that's what I expect will continue to happen.  If not, he goes away on a business trip for a week next week, so I assume 'absence will make the heart grow fonder.'  Honestly, I don't expect anything to come from this; I guess I'm just taking note as sort of an historical record.

Switching gears: in Star Wars I there's a scene when the Jedi and Jar Jar are in a craft underwater, and a large creature tries to eat them.  Instead, a bigger fish eats that one, only to be swallowed by an even larger creature.  Looking out the window, the Jedi (played by Leam Neeson) said, "There's always a bigger fish."

I think that, besides being one of the best lines from that otherwise-lame movie, this line is a wonderful philosophy to live by.  No matter how great we think we are, there's always someone greater.  Or faster.  Or stronger.  Or in better shape.  

Or - as I've come to find out recently - more obsessed.

In previous posts I mentioned my history with and love for This is Spinal Tap.  What I don't think I mentioned was the fat guy that was seated front row center at the most recent concert.  He sang every lyric to every song (at least every time I looked over at him), he carried something which looked like Spinal Tap paraphanalia that he wanted the guys to sign (they didn't), and at the end of the show he waited for the roadies to give him the set list.  While I think having the set list would be neat...really, what's he going to do with it?  I'm just not that obsessed.

Unfortunately, my not being obsessed with - well, with anything, really - means that I've missed out on some limited-edition offers around my favorite things.  In the last month I learned that Cameron Crowe released a vinyl LP edition of the Harold & Maude soundtrack, complete with extra goodies.  I would LOVE to own that, but it was released in very limited numbers last year, so all copies are gone.  How did people even find out about it?  I guess if I were more obsessed, I would track my favorite things every day online, join chat groups about them, make comments on sites like imdb, and scour the web in search for the latest deals.

But no, I just can't do it.  As much as I love my favorite movies, TV shows and music, I just can't get myself worked up enough to compete with the "ultimate fans."  I guess I'll have to be satisfied with loving them in my own quiet, individual way.

LOWes Sucks...and not in the good way!

BearTown 14 was this past weekend. Partner and I enjoyed ourselves and thought the events came off (mostly) without a hitch, but much of it seemed almost too professionally produced. Call it "IBR Jr." One of the biggest problems with the weekend was the bus that they hired. In the past we used a local school bus company, and our friend (and Bears member) Johnny (who works for that company) always volunteered to be our main driver for the whole weekend. This year the committee went with another company, totally excluding that company and our friend. On top of that, the drivers didn't always know where they were going, and I heard one story where a driver got snippy with a guest when he (the driver) was informed that he didn't go where he was supposed to. Johnny never would've done that.


Partner and I just got back from LOWes after buying a small table for our deck. When we got it home, I noticed that the box was sealed with a lot of packing tape, which I told Partner was a "bad sign." Sure enough, after spending 10 minutes putting it together, I realized that one of the parts was defective. I tried fixing it, but then I concluded that, if I broke it, we wouldn't be able to return it, so I stopped. Two things really piss me off about this whole event: 1) the last item I bought at LOWes was also defective and needed returning; and 2) the table looked like it was returned to the store as defective, then the store turned around, repackaged it and tried selling it again. True, I can't be sure about this last part, but the box had at least been opened before, and I can just imagine someone at the store deciding to resell it in the hopes that the next sucker/buyer would try to fix it rather than return it. That really ticks me off, and I don't plan on shopping there again if I can at all help it. (Of course, I hated Amazon at one point and still shopped from them, so who knows?)


I've been on a yard-work kick lately, planting flowers and edging the lawn with bark mulch. I was going to trim some of the laurel hedges around the house, but this experience with the table has taken the wind out of my sails. Now I just want to sit and sulk. Actually, venting like this has been helpful, so maybe I'll get up and do something productive after all...

Sneakin' Out into Obscurity

Last night I went to see Sneakin' Out at the Dirty Duck in downtown Portland. As always, they were brilliant. They leave tomorrow on a short tour opening for Pink Martini, so I told my friends back East to try and see them if possible. I have a feeling that none of them will, but at least I tried.

Before I get back to S.O., I have something to get off my chest. When I say "my friends back east," what I mean is an online posting board that we all belong to. Weird thing is, every time I post something - whether it's D&D related or not - I see that very few people respond and/or even look at what I write. When someone else posts, I swear that there are always more 'views' and replies. Maybe I'm being paranoid, but I get the feeling that some people see my name attached to a post and then don't bother to read it. I feel - upset is too strong a word - put off by my friends' lack of attention. Poor me.

ANYWAY, Sneakin' Out is a three-piece instrumental group from Portland, and they are absolutely amazing at what they do. With just a mandolin, acoustic bass guitar, and various percussion instruments (no drum kit per se, but the percussionist plays bongos, xylophones, cymbals and even a typewriter), the band can recreate or interpret songs from any genre. They have two cd's of original material, but every time I see them (usually at the Duck) they play covers from groups like the Beatles, Rolling Stones, Black Sabbath and Ozzy Ozbourne, Deep Purple, Joe Jackson, (a disco group whose name escapes me) and many, many classical pieces - often all woven together. I often think listening to them play would make a great music trivia game: try to name all the different songs and groups that they cover. Only the best could win.

Before the show started, the mandolin player, Dave, got on the mic and asked everyone there to give a round of applause for someone sitting to his left. Everyone clapped. Then, Dave pointed to another person and asked for more clapping. We did. Pretty soon it became clear that he was going around the room and asking for applause by/for everyone. Since there weren't that many people (35?), and since he knew a lot of people there, Dave often named the person he was pointing to ("Give it up for Bob and Mark!"). When he got to me, he got stuck - didn't know my name at all. Typical. I wouldn't have been so surprised except that he and I had just had a conversation outside before the show started, and...oh yeah, we had sex!

A word about the Dirty Duck. This is a dive bar in the truest sense of the word; believe me, it lives up to its name. When I first moved to Portland almost 5 years ago, it was the home bar for the Oregon Bears. We had a couple events there each month, and the last event of the BearTown weekend was held there (which was, incidently, the first time I'd heard/seen Sneakin' Out). At one event, I looked up at the paneled column I was standing next to and saw a couple of cockroaches descending the wall towards me. Yecch. Also, the men's bathroom is notorious for its smell of urine. No matter what they tried to do (if anything), about halfway through any event the acrid smell of urine would waft up out of the urinal and into the bar. Last night when I got there, I could swear that I smelled vomit. Since no one else seemed to mind too much, I wasn't sure if it was me. Sure enough, later in the evening I smelled piss - and I was at the opposite side of the bar near an open door!

At one point, the new manager James came over to talk with another guy sitting next to me. Without a glance in my direction, James put his back to me and started chatting. I wouldn't have minded so much except that: a) I really wanted to (over)hear what he was saying but couldn't because he was facing away, and b) just the night before James personally gave an award to Partner for being such a great supporter of the community. After that, you'd think I'd earn at least a nod in my direction! I keep trying to tell Partner: without him there, I am persona non grata in this town.

Breaks

Once again there was a nice break since the last time I posted. In that time, the Congress has seen fit to address gun control (sort of) by including a gun provision in a bill that had NOTHING TO DO WITH guns in any way. Yet another reason why I don't like/trust the government. If someone does get shot in a national forest, I hope they (or their surviving family) sue each and every politician who voted for that law. That would make 'em think twice...maybe.

Anyway, there was a break since last posting in part because Partner and I went to San Francisco and Paradise, CA for six days. Luckily I had heard the long-standing fact that SF weather in the summer can be very cold, so I dressed for it. I almost felt sorry for the other tourists in shorts and light clothes who were shivering under the fog-filled sky. One little kid in a restaurant said it was supposed to be warm, to which the surly waitress replied, "Why, because it's California? In San Francisco it's cold in the summer!" That'll teach him.

The Friday night before we left for our trip, we were at a bar talking to a friend. I told him how I had given up alcohol for a few weeks and was trying to stay on a diet that had me eating foods specifically beneficial for my blood type. I told him I was blood type A. With a drink in his hand, Partner said he was blood type AA.

Later in that same conversation, the friend and I got on to the subject of how we dislike people who can't laugh at themselves. (I don't trust or like people who don't use self-deprecating humor. Is their self-esteem so delicate that they can't see any humor in what they do? I'd feel sorry for them except that I'm usually running in the other direction.) My friend said, "People who can't laugh at themselves are the only ones not in on the joke." Brilliant!

Cure for America II

I'm a big fan of common-sense solutions for what seem to be really devisive issues. Take, for example, gun control.

Right up front I have to say that I am not a hunter, nor did I grow up with a gun in my house. However, I do consider myself somewhat of a libertarian, and I don't think of guns as evil; I believe they are made to kill, but I also believe they serve a purpose for hunting and home defense. With that in mind, I'm all for the ban on all handguns and automatic weapons.

That might sound like a purely Leftist statement to someone who is a member of the NRA and thinks this country would be better off if everyone carried a firearm, but I think it's just a pragmatic solution to a terrible problem. In this country, people die from shootings every day (and if I weren't so lazy, I'd probably do a google search and get some statistics), and in fact, most small cities have more gun-related deaths in a couple of months than the UK has in a year. It IS a problem, and if the victims were rich white kids instead of poor blacks, then I'm sure there'd be more of an outcry (ok, now I am sounding like a Lefty).

Anyway, if we want to keep weapons for hunting and defense, then there's no need for handguns (which are inaccurate) or automatic weapons (designed to kill many people very quickly). Shotguns and rifles can do just fine for both, since rifles are more accurate, and neither activity requires a gun that must be concealed. Handguns are basically designed to be concealable and shot in very close quarters at fairly close distances - designed, in fact, to be perfect for crime.

In fact, if we take those same qualities to an extreme, we can see why handguns are bad. Imagine if a gunmaker came out with a gun that was about the size of a wallet (very concealable), was very inaccurate after four feet (absolutely NO good for hunting), and was powerful enough to blow a hole through plexiglass. Most people (especially police!) would probably want to ban that gun because it was absolutely perfect for crime - like robbing banks - without serving any other practical purpose. Yet, normal handguns have those very same qualities, just not as powerful. Do we have to wait until the technology improves to the point where that imaginary gun is possible?

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OK, after writing all that I realize that I'm probably not stating my case in the most articulate manner, and I have more points to make about the practical difficulties of banning guns. However, I'm a bit tired and distracted, so I'm going to stop here...

Cure for America I

I'm a big fan of common-sense solutions for what seem to be really devisive issues. Take, for example, abortion.

Right from the start I have to say that I'm pro-choice. It's ridiculous to think that if a (young) woman has an unwanted pregnancy, she won't try to abort the fetus herself and thereby hurt or perhaps kill herself in the process. After all, that's what was done before abortions became legal - that is, unless the girl was lucky enough to find a woman/doctor who would do the procedure in secret. Also, I can't imagine making a woman carry a baby to term if the baby is a product of a rape. That's a nine-month reminder of the horrible event, all the while the mother has to endure pain and sacrifice to keep the baby healthy. Ultimately, it has to be a woman's choice.
(And I came up with a bumpersticker slogan: "If you choose to have a baby, then you are Pro Choice.")

Given my beliefs, I also recognize that people are going to try and take away a mother's right to choose. More often then not they cite god in their argument, but since we have a separation of church and state, I don't see how that argument can hold water. Or, they call abortion murder. It's admirable that they want to protect the child, but I find it interesting that those same people will turn their backs on the child as soon as it's born. Why aren't they crying out for better and cheaper pre-natal care? Why aren't they supporting more Head Start programs? Why aren't they helping the poor/unfortunate mothers who often have to support the babies alone? Why aren't they adopting the unwanted infants after they're born? I just hate the hypocracy of the "pro-life" movement.

Anyway, my solution is this: since the two sides will never see eye-to-eye, why not compromise. I say that abortion should be 100% legal in the first trimester and 100% illegal in the third trimester, and let the individual states decide if they want to allow abortions during the second trimester. Again, I am pro-choice, but even I believe that 6 months ought to be enough time for a woman/couple to decide on an abortion or not. After that, fly to another country if you want to abort; you have to pay extra for your indecision. (By the way, abortions are never an issue if the mother's health is at stake, no matter what the trimester. That's called self-defence, and that's legal no matter what the circumstances.)

The only problem with my solution as far as I can see is that I don't know if it's technically legal. In other words, I don't know if the federal government has the ability to make a law for two-thirds of a problem and leave one-third up to the states. Perhaps all the states would have to agree to the first- and third-trimester rule and then decide for themselves about the second. In that way, the federal government wouldn't be involved.

Next up: gun control...

Timely Medicine

I played D&D with local friends on Sat afternoon, then came home and played D&D remotely (using Google Talk) with friends back in MA. Except...I didn't. At least not on time. Our start time is supposed to be 5 pm (my time), but we didn't start until almost 6.

The problem: I had to stop my other game prematurely in order to get home by 5. Also, I had to sit by my computer and wait without having any idea why there was a delay. (I tried calling two different phone numbers, but no answer on either line.) Now, I totally enjoy playing D&D with those friends, but I couldn't help but feel that the rest of my night was tainted by the late start. It was unlike me, but I ended up writing an email to all of them to try and start on time in future. I won't know til June if they paid attention to it...

Recently I started going to a chiropractor for tendonitis in my shoulder. Since he's an older man with lots of knowledge and experience, I asked him for a recommendation for an acupuncturist. He recommended Chris Slama in North Portland, so I went to him last Friday. I was supposed to be there for 90 minutes but ended up staying for almost two and a half hours. His questions were very thorough and he said all of the right things to make me feel like he knows what he's doing. I went back yesterday for an herbal tea, which I took last night and again this morning. I'll keep track of my progress. Hopefully I can get back to the point where I'm happy with my body again.

Favorite TV redux

I can't believe I forgot to mention these two shows, but there you go...

Star Trek:TNG - I loved watching the reruns of Star Trek when I was younger (I saw most of them on a black-and-white tv set, so I didn't get to appreciate the fantastic lighting and psychedelic colors of the set, but I still loved them), so I eagerly anticipated the new series. I watched the first few eps but soon gave up. I just didn't think the show was up to the high expectations I had for it. However, I came back to it now and then through the rest of that first season and then more through season two. By the time season three was on, I was hooked and watching it every week. An excellent successor to the original, and what a great choice in Patrick Stewart! I was given the dvd sets of seasons four and six as gifts, although some of the best eps were from seasons three and five (and some fun experimental ones in season seven).

Arrested Development - I saw most of the eps from season one when they were first on but, although I enjoyed it immensely, for some reason was not able to see the show every week. When the dvd's were released, I bought season one and loved it, but I hesitated in buying seasons two and three (see previous post). Recently Partner and I were able to watch all of those eps in order on tv, and we loved them. Now, I can't believe I never invested in the dvd's. If I find them cheap, I still might. This is a show that definitely rewards multiple viewings. Can't wait for the movie!

DVD Buying

On my friend's blog (Messages from Atlantis - the link is in my profile), he mentioned Amazon's gold box special for the dvd set of "Babylon 5." Now that I've looked, the price has gone back up. Chuck/Maethe didn't buy the set because he said that "Netflix ruined the impulse buy." Even though I'm not a member of Netflix, I've had a similar dilemma for at least a year now.

The dilemma: do I invest in a dvd or not. For years I never thought about it because my dvd buying habits were generally limited to single movies. I'd spend anywhere from $10-25 for a movie and figure it was worth it because a) I'd probably watch it multiple times, and b) I like the idea of showing my support with my wallet. If I did have a question about buying a dvd, it was usually because the dvd didn't come with any special features, which is something that I really enjoy.

More recently, almost any and all tv series have been released on dvd, which raises the dilemma to a new level because the price for these sets is significantly higher. I still like the idea of supporting the shows I like, but usually tv shows don't reward multiple viewings the way good movies do. (The clear exception is any Joss Whedon show, which is why I bought the set for "Buffy" and "Firefly.") So, do I invest in a set, watch the eps once with Partner, and then put the dvd's away? That hardly seems worth the high price.

Obvious solutions are to join Netflix or rent the dvd's from a video rental store. Another solution I've come up with is to let friends borrow the dvd's. In that way, the more people who watch the dvd, the more it was worth buying it. (To this end, I keep a running list of my dvd's and can email it to any friend who's interested.) Otherwise, I don't buy the set and hope the eps are rerun on tv ( thanks to the dvr).

Back to "Babylon 5." Since the price went back up, I had to seriously consider the investment. I've always heard it was a well-written sci-fi show (my cousin thinks it is the best-written show on tv), but will Partner and I watch it more than once? Do I have any friends who would borrow the set? We thought about it and decided against buying the set. Instead, I'll look for it at my video store (when I rent "Lost" season 4) and possibly rent the discs.

I looked at the gold box special today, and it was for "Angel." The price is really cheap, so I decided it was worth the investment and ordered it. I assume that, even though I've seen all the eps on tv, Partner and I will still want to see the show again. Also, it's a show that more of my friends are more likely to want to borrow.

For anyone keeping score, yes - I ordered it from Amazon. I did this despite my earlier assertion that Amazon sucked. What can I say? Hence the title, "Truth and Contradictions."

One Reason I Don't Trust Politicians

Senator Arlen Specter from PA yesterday announced that he was switching parties from Republican to Democrat. Apparently the man has been a republican for 30+ years in the Senate, but he's only now realized that the democrats are closer to his personal philosophy. Actually, he said that the republican party has recently moved further to the right and away from his own beliefs.

I know it's now an over-used expression, but "Really?" After eight years of being in the republican party under Bush, during which time the religious right took over leadership of the party and the Constitution was practically ignored ("Free Speech Zone" anyone?), only NOW he feels like the party moved too far to the right. Let's also not forget that the republican party during Clinton's administration practically hunted the President from the day he got in office, spending years and millions of dollars to find some crime to accuse him of. At the end, what did they get to impeach him? A lie about a blow job. And THAT's the party that Specter thinks wasn't too far to the right for him.

What do those years have in common? The right ruled the Senate. So, no matter how conservative the party was, Specter was ok with it as long as it was in power. Now that the republicans have practically destroyed the country and people (voters) have moved to the center/left, and now that the dems are in power, NOW Specter has decided that the republicans are too far to the right. What it comes down to is this: Specter has decided that he can't win a primary race in PA next year against a conservative candidate, so in order for him to stay in power he's got to change parties, beliefs be damned. He'll do anything to stay in the country's most powerful men's club, and he'll change his own philosophy to be on the winning team.

Is it any wonder that the average citizen doesn't trust politicians?

TV Faves contd.

Spin City - I never saw this when it was first on, but when I caught it in reruns, I loved it. Brilliant writing and enough characters to keep it always interesting. I'm sure I haven't seen all the eps, but I've seen enough to know that the show went downhill after they trimmed down the ensemble cast and added Charlie Sheen/Heather Lockleer. Something about Michael J Fox on tv...?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer - I think I saw the movie before the show came out, but I'm not positive. In any case, I started watching it from the very first episode and never looked back. This is one of the shows that I would literally run home to catch. Sure, seasons six and seven aren't as good (with a few exceptions: "Once More With Feeling" is an amazing Joss Whedon musical), but eps from seasons two through five rank among the best eps ever to appear on tv. I own the full dvd set.

Angel & Firefly - I'm lumping these two Joss Whedon shows together - even though they are radically different - because I don't think they are as good as Buffy, and because I didn't see either one when they were first run. In the case of Angel, I saw some eps here and there (and then most of season 5) but never enough to get hooked. In the last few months I caught all of the reruns in order on tv, and I realized just how good the show was. In the case of Firefly, I borrowed a friend's dvd set, watched the eps in order and fell in love. I have since bought the dvd's for myself and even bought the film Serenity.

Dollhouse - The latest Joss Whedon show is still on the air in season one - and it might not be renewed for a season two - but so far we are totally enjoying it. It's a shame that the writers may try to wrap up loose ends too quickly in order to "finish" the story this season, but I guess that's always a problem for serial dramas.

Breaking Bad - Great new drama still in its second season. Great acting and writing, and interesting twists that keep the show fun to watch, even when you're cringing.

Lost - Partner and I borrowed a friend's dvd set for season one, then we were hooked. We've since watched all of seasons two and three but have yet to watch season four. Maybe it's too soon to accurately judge how this show will hold up over time (after three seasons, we have no idea about the mystery of the island), but so far it's unique and compelling.

Mad Men - We didn't watch it from the beginning, but after seeing the reruns from season one, we watched all of season two as it aired. Wonderful period piece about a NY advertising agency in the late 50's/early 60's. Cool to see actors from Angel & Firefly in new roles.

Reno911! - Lately I've been into watching improvised or limited-scripted shows. This is probably my favorite. It isn't always laugh-out-loud hilarious, but knowing it is all improvised makes me appreciate it all the more. I have the movie on dvd, and I bought the set for season three. So far I'm not sure I like the change of cast for season five, but I'm giving it the benefit of the doubt.

The Sopranos - Some episodes and seasons were better than others, but overall it was one of the best shows on tv while it was on. I'm Italian-American from the northeast, but was more amused than insulted by its portrayal of mafia life in New Jersey. Incredibly well-written and well-acted.

That's it for now. Like I said, I watch more tv than I want to, so I'm constantly fighting the urge to watch more. They don't call it an opiate for nothing!

TV Faves

...But first, a side bar for Partner and a bit of background. In college, some friends of mine started a quote board, a place they could write down and display the funniest quotes from their friends and roommates. Partner and I come up with some winners, so I'll try to keep a record of them here. Latest one from Partner: when a miserable couple adds a third person to their relationship in hopes that the third will add new life to the relationship, and it works, you can call it a trifecta. When it doesn't work and then all three people are miserable, it is a "train-wrecka."

In an earlier post I wrote that I'd try to write about some of my favorite tv shows. I'd like to start with a few older ones (when I was watching as a younger person) and then bring it up to the present.

Saturday Night Live - I was seven when the show first aired, so needless to say I couldn't watch it a lot, nor could I understand all the humor when I did. However, when we did manage to catch the shows from those first early years, we loved 'em. I now own the dvd's for the first four seasons.

Family Ties - Before this show jumped the shark by adding a fourth child and by making Nick a regular character, I loved watching this family comedy on Thursday nights. To me it was better than the Cosby Show which preceded it, predominantly because of the acting and the interplay between Alex and Malorie. I bought the dvd set of season 1.

Cheers - This came after Family Ties on Thursday nights, and was clearly the anchor for must-see TV. Maybe because it took place in Boston, our hometown, but my family started watching it from the first episode. I stopped watching regularly when Diane left, but every episode I caught after that, I totally enjoyed. I kept kicking myself for not watching more, but I think I was already on my downward slide of watching less TV.

The Simpsons - Actually, this is a more difficult choice precisely because I haven't watched the show regularly for years. When it first came on, though, I watched it religiously with my college roommates. (I had previously seen the shorts during an animation festival in Boston. Those few-minute sketches had me crying with laughter.) When I do catch it these days, I'm amazed at what a great satire it's remained. (I'm tempted to delete this selection. I really haven't seen it enough lately. More often than not, I'll catch Family Guy instead.)

The Young Ones - This British show about four university students (who never actually went to school) was first aired for only two seasons in the early 80's. I caught them when MTV aired them late on Sunday nights during the mid-80's when I was in high school. I managed to tape all but one of the eps and then proceeded to watch them over and over (similar to my "Spinal Tap" obsession). So many good quotes, I'm sure I annoyed all my friends. I now own the dvd set.

Absolutely Fabulous - The title says it all. Jennifer Saunders got her start on "The Young Ones" (and even married one of the actors), but this is completely her work of sheer genius. Bitchy, drunken, sex-crazed women who appear in other movies or shows are just pale imitations to Patsy and Edina. Again, we tend to quote from this show almost every week. I own all five seasons and the specials on dvd.

More (and more recent) shows tomorrow...