Thursday, September 17, 2009

Check Yourself, But Don't Check Disk

My parents have an older computer (somewhere between 5-10 years, though I suspect it's closer to the latter), and lately it's been quite slow. When I was visiting their house in July, I decided to try and speed it up as much as I'm able. Now, I am in no way a technical person, but I felt that I should at least try because the real computer person - my brother-in-law - was always busy with the kids, or work, or whatever. I went online, did a search for the problem, and saw that I could do a couple of things to clean and free up space on the hard drive. I defragged the hard drive and ran check disk (disk check?) as the on-line advisor directed. Afterward, the computer seemed about the same; if not a little better, it was certainly no worse.

Back in Portland, I have a Toshiba laptop that Partner gave me. It too is older, but this one is closer to five years old. In the last number of months, it too has been acting slow and maybe as if it were infected with a virus, though the scans never detect any. When I returned home in August, I decided that I should use my new knowledge of cleaning the hard drive on this computer in hopes that it would solve the problem. Again, I defragged and ran check disk.

At some point after that, I went to turn on the computer, and the screen said that the hard drive was in imminent danger of failing. What?! My stomach dropped. This was one of those moments in every non-technical-person's life that you fear most. How could I back up the hard drive if it wouldn't even turn on? What happened (virus?) and how could I fix it?

Doing the only sensible thing, I unplugged the computer and told Partner. He didn't know what to do either (he's an Apple guy), so he suggested I call his friend and get his help. Partner ended up emailing him, but the friend - being busy and perhaps not fully aware of the extent of the problem - never committed to coming over. And of course, my being the great procrastinator that I am, took my time in confronting the problem head-on. I did email a local "computer guy" and told him the situation, but he said that it might take $200 or more for him to solve the problem. Yikes.

Finally, I called an acquaintance, Walt, who I knew was a musical techie (builds speakers, does keyboarding, etc) and asked him if he could help. He told me to remove the hard drive and put it in the fridge, because some people believe that the cold will help preserve the data. He then said that I'd need to attach the hard drive to a PC and extract the data. To do that, I'd need to buy an adapter, preferably one that ends in a USB plug, and I could possibly get it at Fry's (he saw it on their website). Walt was cagey about inviting me to use his PC for all this, but I basically invited myself over - contingent on my removing the hard drive and buying the adapter. I got his email address so I wouldn't again have to go through that uncomfortable conversation (he can't be cagey through email) but I was having a hard time hearing him. He kept saying the full address quickly, while I kept spelling it out. Finally satisfied that I was being annoying, I hung up the phone, went to the laptop, quickly extracted the hard drive unit, put it in a plastic bag and stuck it in the fridge.

Since it was Sunday and I was alone (having just driven Partner to the airport for his 3-day trip to Denver), I decided to take a drive down to Fry's and get the adapter. I thought about calling first to avoid a 40-minute wild goose chase, but why bother? It was on their website, and besides, Fry's is a big store which most likely would carry such an item. I packed the hard drive into a cooler bag and drove south.

In the store, I went over to the section I needed and scanned all the different wires and adapters. I didn't see what I thought I was looking for, so when the salesperson finished with the previous customer, I explained my problem and asked for his help. He took one look at the drive and said that they don't carry the adapter I needed. To be on the safe side, he asked another "associate" standing nearby, but he confirmed that they didn't have it. Ugh! Too stunned to press the issue, I walked away. So as to make the trip not a complete waste of time, I ended up buying three dvd's. Nothing assuages bad feelings like a little dvd shopping!

Back in Portland, I called the local Radio Shack and explained my problem. Doesn't it just figure that the store a mile and a half from my house had what I needed! Or rather, they had two different things, so I'd need to bring in the hard drive for them to see which one was right. Even though I had done my walking for the day, and even though I was getting hungry, I decided to walk over there in the evening and get the adapter. When I got there, both associates were helping other customers, so I hovered between waiting in line and walking around the small store looking for what I needed. (As an aside, I hate when sales people don't take into account who was next. With only three people in the store, you'd think they'd notice that I was waiting. One of the sales guys was helping his customer in another part of the store, when a fourth customer walked in. He stood by the counter and saw me waiting, so he went and stood by the sales guy. When he was done with his customer, he turned and asked the new customer what he wanted. I wanted to scream, "Hey, I was next!" That customer was an asshole, and the salesman was incompetent for not telling the guy he had to wait.)

When it was finally my turn (at least seven minutes after I got there), I told the guy my problem, he took a look at the hard drive and said, "That's not your hard drive, that's the dvd drive." Doh! I admit that I'm not technical, but really, even I knew that that's where the cd's went in. I don't know what I was thinking. At that point, being hungry, tired and a little pissed off, I just had to laugh. What else can you do? As I walked home it occurred to me: why hadn't the two guys at Fry's (Fry guys) thought of that?

Luckily, I ran into a friend about halfway home, and he gave me a ride the rest of the way. Later, I looked at the bottom of the laptop, decided which two screws to remove, and took out the hard drive (at least I think it's the hard drive). I don't know how much good it'll do, but I put it in the fridge. Tonight I'll head over to Radio Shack and see if it's the right drive and if they have the right adapter.

Here's the kicker: while I was on the phone with Walt, apropos of nothing he said, "By the way, never run Check Disk. It'll totally fuck up your computer. That's what happened to mine." Ooh...fuck. Now I know what probably happened to my computer, and I can only guess that I may also have caused my parents' computer to shut down.

Partner's advice: don't tell them.

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