None More Black

Twenty-five years ago I went to the Burlington Mall theater to see a movie. I don't remember what movie it was, but I do remember that before it started, Rob Reiner appeared on the screen sporting a beard and a baseball cap (having watched a ton of tv in the 70's, I recognized him right away - I probably shouted, "It's Meathead!"). He claimed to be the director of the new movie This is Spinal Tap, but since they hadn't finished it yet and didn't have any footage available for the trailer, they had to show a portion of a different film. What followed were scenes from a documentary about the Dutch festival of cheese day, with one of the activities being the rolling of large wheels of cheese down a hill. I remember laughing a lot because I knew it was fake. I'm not sure why or how I knew, except that I do remember seeing Ed Begley Jr (who I knew from St. Elsewhere) dressed up in a Dutch costume. I vowed that I would see the movie - no matter what it was actually about - when it was released.

Unfortunately, the film was rated R, so it wasn't easy for me to see it without someone older buying the ticket. It was especially difficult because the subject matter - a 'mockumentary' about a heavy metal band - did not appeal to my parents or older sister. Weeks after the film was in the theater, I finally got to see it when my next-door neighbors, the K's, agreed to take me, a neighborhood friend, and their own two young sons (who I actually baby-sat for). The theater was practically empty, but we ended up sitting in front of two guys probably in their 20's. I mention that only because, during the song "Big Bottom," one of the guys told the other that Derek Smalls (Harry Shearer) was playing the lowest possible bass notes on his double bass guitar. I didn't know what that meant, but I thought it was some cool trivia to know. I also remember that song because I seemed to be the only one in the theater who laughed at the phrase "mud flaps" in the second chorus.

It's hard for me to describe just how much I loved that film. Again, I knew it was fake (I recognized the lead singer as the actor who played Lenny in Laverne & Shirley), but it was the funniest film I had seen, and I totally enjoyed the music. I ended up buying the soundtrack album (I was disappointed that the title was actually printed in white on the spine - the cover wasn't totally black!) and two t-shirts from Newbury Comics in Cambridge (I still have one of them as a t-shirt and one in a frame). I also got a movie poster, I think as a gift, but I'm not sure where that is any more.

My most prized possession however, was that I got a copy of the film on VHS as soon as it was released. The K's had two VCR's (long before my family even had one), so they were able to rent and copy the movie for me. (They had a huge video library of their own, and they were very liberal with the titles that they let their sons watch; when I baby-sat for the boys, we could watch Flash Gordon, Fame, The Stunt Man, and 10, among many others.) After I got my own copy of the movie, which also included extras like the video for "Hell Hole" and a fake commercial for "Heavy Metal Memories," I was able to watch it over and over. What was amazing was not that I saw it more times than I can count or that I memorized the complete audio track, but that I was still able to pick up new things even after dozens of viewings. To me, the film is frame-by-frame the most perfect movie produced. In the last couple of years I learned that the film was almost entirely improvised, and to me that makes it even better.

My story with Spinal Tap does not end there, however. A few months after the release of the film, the band decided to do a real tour. I seem to recall reading at the time that the band was only playing a couple of cities, but since they skipped Boston during the movie ("It's not a big college town"), Boston would be one of the places. They played two shows at the Channel club - an all-ages matinee show and an over-21 show that night - and I got four tickets for the afternoon show. Luckily, the K's agreed to drive us to the show, so I attended the concert with the same friend and the same small boys (although now that I think about it, we may have only attended with the older of the two boys because I can't picture the younger one being there at all; also, it may have just been Mrs. K who drove us).

We got there early and made our way to the front left of the stage: front row! In fact, the boy I was with was so short, he ended up sitting on the stage for the entire show, which got smiles from the musicians when they saw him. I don't remember much about the show except that I think the opening band was a local hard rock outfit named Donny and the Rock, and that Spinal Tap was excellent. I also recall a pushy, fat older kid who made his way to the front of the stage and "banged" his head in typical heavy-metal fashion. Didn't he know they were a parody? I guess the music was just that good. I think I even got a guitar pick from that show, but if I did, it didn't have the band's logo on it, and I have no idea where it is now.

After the concert, we stood outside the club and waited for our ride. My neighbors were late, however, so we ended up being the last ones there. Inside we could hear the sounds of instruments being moved, but there was still an intimidating bouncer at the door, so we couldn't peek in and see what was happening. When the parents (mother?) showed up, we realized that we left something inside (maybe the boy's jacket?). Mrs K walked up to the bouncer, told him she was going in and...did! That seemed like such a big deal at the time. Anyway, she came out after a few minutes and told us that she met the band while in there, then asked if we wanted to go in and meet them too. One of the MANY regrets I have in my life is that I didn't take her up on it; instead, we chickened out, got in the car and left. To this day I wonder what, if anything, would've happened if I'd met them. (Since I was only 15 at the time, probably not a hell of a lot, but it's good to dream...)

Fast forward 25 years, and I'm living in Portland, OR. The actors from Spinal Tap announce they're going to do an "Unwigged & Unplugged" tour, with Portland being one of the stops. I vowed to drive into town the morning the tickets went on sale and buy them from the box office (thus saving all the extra fees that Ticket Master charges). Unfortunately, I had an early dentist appointment that morning, and I would be late if I drove from there to the theater. Instead, I decided to drive home and call; I would be charged the fees, but at least I'd get to call right at 10. I drove home, called, and got right through to order tickets. I didn't ask where the seats were located, I think because I was just relieved to have gotten them at all. When the tix arrived in the mail, the row was P1, which seemed unusual, but I didn't think too much about it.

The day of the show, Partner and I drove back from Seattle. We arrived with a couple hours to spare, so I put on the dvd of This is Spinal Tap to refresh the music in our minds. I then found my old Spinal Tap t-shirt, which was tight, but I was determined to wear for the show. (Does everyone have this thought before going to a show? You try to pick the best possible shirt that will draw attention to yourself as well as possibly make an impact on the artists. I've been going to concerts/events for over 26 years, and to this day no artist has ever said anything to me about what I'm wearing. In fact, I can't recall anyone ever complimenting me on my choice of clothes. Sure enough, as we stood in the lobby drinking our g&t's (no Capt Morgan), no one said anything about my unique, 25-year-old shirt.)

When we finished our drinks and went inside, the usher led us to the right and down...to the front row! Talk about a pleasant surprise! And, talk about symmetry. Twenty-five years later, and I'm once again in the front row for a Spinal Tap show! The concert was great: those guys are still very funny and are still great musicians. Partner didn't really know any of their music, but he thoroughly enjoyed himself nonetheless. What was also funny was that, before the concert started, I told him the story about the Dutch cheese festival trailer that I'd seen before the movie originally came out. Wouldn't you know: during the concert, they showed that same film clip and essentially validated everything I had just related. Awesome. It's great to watch a fabulous show, sit 10 feet from some of your heroes, AND receive validation all at the same time.